Alhamdulillah.. umur azell betambah setahun lagi. this time around, i celebrated my birthday with dear hubby and baby-on-the-way. nothing much happened today. as early as i-dont-know-what-is-the-time in the morning, dlm mamai2 antara sedar ngan tak, heard dear hubby sang me a birthday song. heheh.. sore pun tgh husky2 lagi baru bangun tido.. well, i bet his eyes were still closed too when he sang that. with his arms still wrapped around me, i think that was the first thing he did once he awaken frm his sleep. so cute! around 7.30 a.m, mak called up to wish me - after i reminded her that today is my birthday. 

kat ofis, takde ape yg menarik. semua orang bz decorating the level for deeparaya competition. since i have no mood to join membzkan diri with them,  stayed put at my place, checking fb while finishing some work i need to present this afternoon. at 2.30 p.m, off to tower. while i was in the elevator to level 42, my phone rang. it was someone from a courier service asking where is silver tower as he needs to courier something to me. since i was in tower and it was nearly 3 p.m (discussion is supposed to start at 3), so i asked that guy to come to tower instead. while waiting for the courier & the boss i need to meet, ate my lunch - roti i bought frm cold storage. at 3.30 p.m, the courier guy arrived, and handed me a big bouquet of red & white roses with ferrero rocher and all.. phew!! sengih sampai ke telinga acik azell mase tu.. hehehe.. called kak azah to keep the flowers for me. yelah kan, takkan nak masuk discussion ngan bunga besar tu.. and the surprise, came from my dear husband, of course!. susah nak dapat bunga dari abg apis nih! hahahah... feeling like flying jek.. sampai mase discussion pun i easily agreed to everything without any sour feeling (walaupun banyak bende kene buat sebenarnye..). after discussion, collected the bouquet frm kak azah & shoot home. at home, dear hubby was waiting. after settling down a bit, he asked me to closed my eyes (siap tutup ngan tudung lagi tu..), and bile bukak jek, 2 piece of cakes siap ngan lilin in front of me.. sweet!! had the cakes together on our couch sampai la his cousin called to fetch him kat lrt. itu ini begitu begini with his cousin, we went for a late dinner kat tony roma's sunway piramid. had my usual all time favourite asian salad with salmon and he had his ribs. at 11-ish, arrived home. it was nice spending the whole time we have with each other. the hugs, the kisses, the 'i love u' - made the entire day so meaningful. when asked, what do i want for my birthday, my answer will be, nothing - but these happiness i have now to be mine forever. Insya Allah.. 

there goes my birthday story for this year. thank you to all friends who wished me thru FB, sms, YM.. thank you!

have a nice day, beautiful ppl!!

Selamat hari raya to all beautiful blogreaders. walaupun dah almost 2 weeks raye, but still.. sempat lagi kan?

phew! lama tak update this blog of mine. mane taknye, b4 this, ngan rase tak sihatnye.. rase takde mood nak buat everything.. kejap rase ok, kejap tak.. so, whatever i did, semua yg wajib2 jek.. all the sunat2 thingie (read: update blog ni), tolak ke tepi. but now, after almost 3 months rase tak best, skarang i'm at the best state. walaupun rase sungguh gemuk skarang ni..isk...

anyways, this year is the first year pose & beraya with someone i call husband. kalau dolu2 mase zaman mude2 remaja, boleh kire ngan jari baper hari jek acik azell ni berbuka kat rumah. mostly, i'll go out and berbuka with different set of friends almost everyday. and balik rumah utk tido jek.. tu pun sampai rumah dh around midnite. but this year, i didnt go out anywhere.. cuma ade la 2-3 kali berbuka kat luar.. tu pun attending dear hubby's company's iftar, x-aimians iftar gath at mc na's & with kak wtl at carl's jr. the rest of the days, i stayed at home having foods ordered/bought by dear hubby or balik rumah mak. sungguh baik anak mak sorang ni tahun ni.. huhu.. well, mane taknye first week of pose, i still weak from this pregnancy thingie.. second week, dah ok sket, tapi right after berbuka, i threw out everything back and lepas tu confirm akan lembik for the whole nite (sungguh bahaya kalau makan kat luar mase2 tu), 3rd & the last week pose, walaupun dh ok, tapi every ptg after balik keje, rase sungguh tak larat nak buat ape2.. even bile dear hubby suruh mandi pun rase cam nak menangis sebab tak larat sangat..  penat!! not like previous years where i can stay up late, had fun with friends and macam2 lagi laa.. rindu mase2 tu.. tapi ape-apehal pun, i've survived this year's pose! yey!

raya this year, balik pontian. first time beraya jauh from mak ayah. first day raya, as usual.. bz & penat. nasib baik mase tu dah ok. so i can help kakak preparing dishes for raya.  i was so bz with everything sampai at one point bleh terlupa that i'm pregnant. mane taknye, dari pagi tolong kakak masak, hidang foods, basuh pinggan, gelas & periuk belanga yg berat tu and hidang again & basuh lagi.. then pegi beraya, pegi shopping sket for the next day, basuh ayam malam tu & kemas everything.. ended up, my pinggang & belakang sakit sampai hari ni.. malam tu rase sedih aaa sket, sbb nak bermanja ngan mak suruh urut badan pun, mak jauh.. sob..sob.. sesangat sedih.. tapi takdela sampai nenangis bagai.. nangis dlm hati jek.. the second day raya pun, started the day early sbb nak kene masak for sedara mara yg nak datang. since kakak dh balik rumah in law dia, sape lagi yg kene handle the kitchen kalau tak adik ipar dia nih. itu ini begitu begini, everything settled and after Maghrib, bertolak balik KL. exhausted, i slept almost all the way back sampai rumah.

third raya & onwards, i was at kelantan with mak, ayah, dear hubby, ijas & her family. mak ayah nak memperkenalkan menantu baru diaorang kat sedara mara kat kelantan. so, for 4 days there, kami berjalan jek, visiting all the relatives. makan macam2. raya la katekan.. i was eating this & that sampai one point, i cannot eat anymore. muntah2. nasib baik it lasts for 1 day jek. seronok balik kelantan this time around (well, everytime balik pun seronok), besides i have someone to intoduce as my husband (so, takyah menjawab soklan2 cepumas frm relatives dah), i also have the answer if ade cousins yg nakal2 tanye "apsal makin besar?".. hahahha... oh yes! i am getting bigger now.. isk! another thing, got to meet mc ann yg sungguh aktif berniaga kat KB Mall. thanks ann, for spending time with us that nite. :D

there goes my raya for this year. started working on monday, after a week my mind tak pk anything abt work or AA. as at now, i'm in my 17 weeks pregnancy. my appetite is coming back, my energy leveled up and i can now feel something in my tummy.. butterfly is flying around. when i sit still memalam, ade la rase knocking sana sini.. or, it rumbles inside. cute! kekadang tu cam terkejut gak bile tetiba jek rase something kat dlm perut. well... not exactly kat perut laa.. bawah perut. hopefully my baby is growing happily & healthly inside. his/her atuk & nenek really want their cucu ni to born healthy & happy.. now, whatever things i told my parents, they really take it seriously. sebutla ape2 pun, mak & ayah akan terus bergegas mencari/buat. sampai kekadang tu, i have to think twice before telling them anything. well.. nak wat camane kan.. anak manje mak & ayah. hmmm...

oklah.. need to continue work. AA dh bising.. bosan betul! how i wish i dont have to deal with him anymore... sigh..

have a beautiful day, beautiful ppl!!   

phew!! just threw out everything i had for lunch b4.. tak sampai 1/2 jam pun the foods remain in my system. makan kenyang sangat kot.. tu yg sampai keluar balik everything. anyways, walked to pavillion this afternoon. after like 2 months tak pegi sana tetengahari, today ntah nape rase cam nak pegi pavillion, surveying foods for lunch. i was so bored with the thoughts of "what to eat?" every lunches & dinners. right now i have no appetite at all utk makan. dgr perkataan foods made me feel eewww. because of that, dapur pun lama tak berasap. kalau dulu, sedaya upaya i'll prepare dinner at home and breakfast for my dearie husband, never missed! walaupun it just roti with tuna - mesti ade bekal for him. but all that cuma tahan baper minggu jek when after that, urs truly ni jadi very penat, sick with nausea, my sense of smell jadi haru biru - cant even stand my own CD perfumes!, no appetite at all - tapi kene makan sbb kalau perut kosong lagi parah, mood swing - cepat betul rase sedih & nak nangis and 1001 macam lagi laa..as at now, i'm holding on to the fruits - the only foods i can eat non-stop without purging it out again. dear husband, being the sweetest guy ever, will always make sure stok buah sentiasa ade dlm peti ais. and lagi sweet, dia siap potong kekecik lagi buah2 tu for my bekal to ofis. not only that, stok susu enfamama pun sentiasa ade and he'll make sure i drink the not-so-sedap milk tu everyday.    

btw.. yesterday marked 2 months both of us disatukan as husband & wife. 2 great, roller coaster months.. :D my habit in the morning nowadays is to look at dear husband's sleeping face (sambil kacau2 dia tido), and realized that i'm falling in love with him everyday. it is a nice feeling and made me kinda cheerful in the morning despite of rase nak muntah each time gosok gigi or bile terlambat makan breakfast..

last nite, went dinner at tony roma's - urs truly ni ntahapa-hapa sket.. takde selera nak makan, but always craving for salads (salad mahal2 pulak tu!!).. last week, had salad at nandos. the nite before, had salad at chillis with kak azah and last nite, dalam tak larat balik keje & muntah, told dear husband rase cam nak makan salad kat tony roma's.. so, he brought me there to satisfy my craving for tony roma's asian salad with salmon.. sedap!! always my favorite. balik tu, terus tak sedar ape atas sofa while dear husband pegi ofis. woke up at 12 a.m just to change baju & pengsan lagi dalam bilik. when dear husband balik kul 2 pagi baru bangun freshen up everything. tapi lepas tu pengsan semula after having sebiji epal hijau to surpress rase nak muntah + lapar. and last nite, i also realized, i cant fit my fav jeans anymore.. everything is ok with the jeans, except for i cant button it up already. that was my fav jeans sbb the only jeans i can wear without belt. so, mmg dia muat2 jelah.. and because of that, the jeans is the first pant i need to let go.. huhuuu...

i'm having my mix fruits now. the second bekas already. the 1st bekas dh habis pagi tadi. right now, i realize i cannot walk as fast as b4. cepat sangat rase mengah. mase pegi pavillion tadi pun, i was panting macam berlari la plak. plus rase cam melayang2 pun ade.. maybe panas tadi kot.. kul 12.30 tghari mase tu.. nasib baik sampai gak ofis. i actually need to finish up a document - well, it is actually AA's part. but since he is going to JB for another project, sape lagi yg kene buatkan kalau tak urs truly ni? sigh.. sabar jelah..

oklah.. gotta resume work. have a nice day, beautiful ppl!!

of a wonderful journey...

lunch time now.. just finish 2 pairs of roti with kaya & planta. no appetite to eat anything else.. plus the "feeling" i'm feeling now is so disturbing.. nadia said, nausea is sometimes just a "feeling".. so, i'm bearing with it..

oh well.. it's too early to feel anything, i guess.. saje je acik azell ni yg mengada2. calculated in one of the website given by dearest sister, i am about 5 weeks... hmmm.. frankly, i dont know how i should feel.. excited? well.. takdela excited sgt pun.. more to teruja with the miracle that is happening in me now. each time bace abt all these things, lagi teruja.. with each week development, sometimes cam tak caya jek semua tu tgh on-going inside my body. tapi ape-apehal pun, Alhamdulillah.. really hope this little sesame seed will grow to be the most handsome/beautiful (very fair skin, with curly hair, chubby cheek...amboih!!! melampau plak berangan! heheh) baby.. or babies. Insya Allah..

my mood swings gile2 la ni.. with dear hubby not with me, lagi buat urs truly ni rase ntahapa2. well, i know i have to be strong. this is my task to do, mine alone. there is no one will take care of me, but myself.. so, be strong, ME! heheh..  once my fren pernah cakap, "i'm ready to have kid when i think i'm ready to raise him/her alone without his/her father".. hmm.. that's tough. anyways, really hope i have high endurance level to be a full time employee (meetings, projects, documentations, traffic jam), full time housewife (cooking, washing, cleaning, ironing) and a fulltime ibu-to-be...    

oh i am so feeling unwell - emotionally & physically!

have a nice day, beautiful ppl!

29/07/09 - sebulan sudah berlalu. cepatnye masa.. it means dah sebulan acik azell ni bertukar status jadi wife orang. sebulan yg penuh ngan macam2 citer.. bile teringat balik how bz, how tired & how kelam kabut semua orang menjayakan majlis kenduri at both sides, rase cam... phew! nasib baik laa kawen ni sekali jek.. Insya Allah. anyways.. setakat ni, perjalanan hidup tak baper stabil lagi.. every weekends mesti ade plan itu ini begitu begini. so far, start balik from pontian, we've been to perak, cameron highland, genting highland and last weekend, pegi melaka. next weekend plak, dear hubby pegi outstation seminggu. right after that, planned nak gi tengganu.. though semua tu jenis yg over the weekend nye activities, still.. spending time together is always lovely.

thank you to all my friends yg hadir to my kenduri - dengkil & pontian. really appreciate your presence & presents.*hugs*

i'm so sleepy right now.. nak kate tido lewat, tak jugak.. hmm.. sbb terlebih tido kot. plus i have documentations tasks yang sungguh membosankan to do. oh well! esok petang ade meeting. hopefully tak ngantuk mase tu..

have a nice day, beautiful ppl!

I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

Cause without you I cant sleep
I'm not gonna ever, ever let you leave
You're all I've got, you're all I want

And without you I don't know what I'd do
I can never, ever live a day without you
Here with me, do you see,
You're all I need

dedicated to my dearie hubby.. happy birthday sayang.. semoga jodoh kite berpanjangan hingga ke akhir hayat.. Insya Allah..

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

17 days to go...

i'm writing this while chatting with my dear fiance at YM.. 2 years ago, early of may, we crossed the friendship & "abang-adik" line.. and left me with a big question mark in my head - confused. although mase tu everything still blurry and i didnt put any hope on anything, but we continued to get to know each other more. never once i want to stop from seeing him or being with him, though i wasn't sure where we will be ended up to. over the time, the feeling grew deeper.. and we came to a stage where decision has to be made. to be or not to be.. and the decision has to come from me. after thinking & weighting abt everything, i feel like i cant afford to live without him around and thus, i've decided.. 2 years later, end of may, we r getting married..

within these 2 years, we've seen the ugliest things on each other. but all that made us bond stronger.. well, at least for now.. of course things can be more complicated bile dah duduk sebumbung, ye tak? tapi sekurang2 nye, takdela terkejut kalau memasing dh started to show our true color lepas ni.. hahah.. bak kate orang adelaide, "abg apis yg garang, ina yg macam2".. hmm.. abg apis ni, garang2 dia pun.. he has the softest heart.. grunge2 dia pun, he is someone who loves to pamper me sampai kite lak yg rase guilty & serba salah.. he made me feel beautiful (ulang suara - "... feel beautiful".. reality wise, i am faaaar from being beautiful).. he made me feel so special despite all my weaknesses.. he is someone who always want to be for me.. and the most important thing.. he loves me. he loves me after knowing me -  which i prefer to be like that instead of love at the first sight kinda thingie.. he loves me for  who i am (i am the drama queen, yg macam2, yg kejap ok, kejap tak.. yg ntahapa-hapa).. and of course.. give me brad pitt, chris pine, or even eric bana (gosh! they r cute!!! errr.. ampun bang.. heheh).. still, i want my "abg apis".. hmm.. speaking of eric bana... how come i didnt recognize him in star trek? he used to be on my wallpaper back then..  but still.. he's cute! (but not in star trek laa.. sbb tu tak kenal.. hahaha..) oh well.. doesn't really matter what the eye is seeing, cause I'm in love with the inner being... :)

hmm.. my gigi bongsu is still thrusting its way out.. so, my gum dh swollen resulting tekak sakit & nak bukak mulut pun payah.. even nak menelan pun sakit.. i guess, i need to go to dentist esok.. kalau b4 this, i'll let it sembuh sendiri (which the pain takes weeks to subside..), but since ade event besar tk lama lagi kan, so, nak kene treat it cecepat la jawabnye..

it's 2.30 a.m now.. my fiance pun dh tido.. his webcam pun dh gelap.. guess i'll stop here first..

have a nice day, beautiful ppl!!

Another 19 days to go.. well, actually, it's 18 days - minus today. rase cam tak sabar jek nak tunggu these 18 days.. bukannye ape.. but, selagi all these tak selesai, memacam bende rase.. bebende kecik pun bleh rase sampai berat kepala nak pk. and all these are not making me happy. lagi berserabut, adela.. contoh yg azell tgh pk la ni - about ribbon/lace/renda to hias the bakul telur.. i need all that dgn banyaknye sbb nak hias around 1000 bakul.. but i cant find the suitable one yg berbaloi ngan harga (1 kotak reben tu mahal wooo.... ape lagi kalau nak berkotak2).. and the time is running out.. but i still need the ribbons... aaarghh!! went to jln TAR with ijas during lunch tadi nak tgk2 kat kedai2 kat sana.. lagi mahal!! nak gi choket, cam cuak la plak nak gi sana sensorang.. or, maybe i shud brave myself gi redah pasar choket yg bile-kat-sana-tak-rase-cam-kat-mesia tu alone? nak pegi after ofis, sure dh tutup kedai dlm tu.. oh dear!! see!! it just a small matter.. tapi for me it's like bende besar jek.. yelah kan, takkan nak bagi bakul telur bogel2 macam tu without any hiasan? tu baru 1 bende.. tak tambah ngan nak jumpa kenkawan utk distribute kad but i dont know when to meet them.. maybe ahad ni kot.. kamy dearie, if u r reading this, i want to see u & lynx ahad ni ye? sabtu, ade gathering kat rumah kak wa.. our last gath before me & her bertukar status tak lama lagi.. but, this weekend jugak my new perabot nak sampai.. my oh my!!!! boleh ke nak kuar kejap ni? plus, mak & ayah pun dah membebel2 sbb anak dia ni asyik kuar jek.. being their only 1 daughter yg paling lama stayed with them, i know they want to spend as much time as they can with me before i move out from their house & their hands..  *sigh* all these (and much more!!) really made my mind tak focus and my chest rase cam berat jek - resulting, i fell down twice in 1 week! at first jatuh kat bilik air & few days after that, kat tangga kolam ikan kat luar.. my both knees sakit sampai skarang but luckily i didnt sprained my ankle (walaupun mase jatuh kat bilik air tu ibu jari kaki terpeleot & serius sakit!).. tapi tulaa.. of course i cannot show it off to everyone how miserable i am now, right.. so, as always.. senyum jek..cuma kesian kat my husband-to-be-in-18 days la.. he has to bear my imbalanced mood yg kejap ok, kejap tak.. oh well.. i know i'm being a drama queen here.. but, seriously.. i just cant wait all these to end!

phew!! lega.. all these while semua ni just linger in my head. ade lagi bende yg buat azell rase nak mengamuk - like forcing me to do things i dont like.. but i cant say anything.. and of course i cant do anything but to follow & oblige.. tu tk masuk lagi hal2 lain yg i have to settle it myself.. plus the feelings i felt each time.... hmmm.. takpelah.. i know i'm thinking too much right now.. thinking abt the unneccesary things... as if there is no other way i can do to settle things.. of course there is a way.. but i hate it. it made me look pathetic & helpless & weak. and speaking of that.. my gigi bongsu nak start tumbuh lagi & made half of my throat sakit..

18 days to go.. and i have to bear all these for another 18 days.. wish me luck, my dear blogreaders..

my head is spinning.. my chest is throbbing pain.. but u have a nice day, beautiful ppl..

29 days to go....

have a nice day, beautiful ppl!!

21 April.. huhu..another 39 days to go.. ape lagi yg tak siap la ni? baju nikah yang oh-so-pretty! dah siap.. baju khatam Quran dah tempah.. bilik dah cat.. baju2 yg lain semua dh tempah.. barang2 hantaran dah beli semua - tinggal nak hias.. perabot baru will arrive mid of may.. basically, almost everything is ready & progressing well, Insya Allah.. invitation cards will be sent out ASAP.. tgh mengumpul alamat nih.. so, to all my blogreaders, pls leave me ur addy.. nanti azell hantar kad.. :D

anyways.. i'm not feeling so well now. after almost everyday berkubang ngan habuk last week, now my nose dh start running away from me again.. ditambah plak ngan sneezing yg tak berenti.. phew! and then, weekend that day sibuk mengecat bilik with my dear fiance.. well, azell takdela buat ape sangat pun.. just be there for the sake of being there.. my dear fiance la yang bertungkus lumus mengecat bilik tu sampai kul 4 pagi.. huhu.. and what does his fiancee buat? instead of helping out, she spread a blanket on the dusty floor, with a bunny as her pillow & lie down & sleep.. memula tu ingatkan nak tolong2 la angkat bekas cat tu so that he doesnt have to go up & down the ladder.. tapi, tula.. he woke me up after the walls are nicely painted, kan.. so, there goes all my niat nak menolong.. hahah.. ape-apehal pun.. really appreciate what he did.. and really love the sight of this serious guy yg comot with colours, working on with the paints.. before i closed my eyes to la-la-land...

sunday, finish up the painting jobs.. ptg tu bz tolong mak masak nasi ayam for the guest. ade meeting ngan orang kampung mlm tu - meeting pembahagian tugas mase kenduri nanti. just like the other weddings we had before this. my dear fiance went home after dinner - after 2 days at my house mengerjakan the room. thanks dearie.. after Isyak, tetamu sampai and the meeting went on until i dont know pukul baper.. based on our maid, sampai kul 2 pagi.. phew.. banyak bende yg diaorang discuss tu.. and that nite also i received a msg frm AA - "lina, will u hate me if i dont turn on up for work anymore?".. immediately i replied "yes, i will".. well.. after 2 years working closely together, AA, being my partner in crime, my boss, my enemy and in the same time, my bestest friend who cares a lot about me in iPioneer all these while, the only person who can open my drawer without asking my permission, the only guy who drink my drank coffee without hesitation, the only one who talked to management abt my credibility (thus the 2nd increment in a year) - is leaving the company. when i told dearie iko abt this, he asked "should't u be happy?" - because all these while i'll burst out all my ketidakpuasan hati pasal AA to him.. and strangely, deep down i must confess, without AA, my life here wont be happier either.. tetiba terus jadi clueless.. now i realized, sepanjang 2 tahun kat sini, i never work with anyone else but AA. sedihnye.... :( maybe this is the time for me to shine without AA overshadowing me.. i know it is tough. and ppl will have the same expectation like what the expected from AA. and me is not AA. not even close.. sigh!! sad.. need to start talking to other PMs to secure a project.. huhu.. macam nak cari keje lain, but in the same department.. else makan gaji buta azell kat sini..

oh i need to think happy thoughts!! about work, about life.. about everything.. *think happy thoughts.. think happy thoughts*

have a nice day, beautiful ppl!!